They say, that if you want to hear God laugh, tell Him what your plans are.
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. — George Burns
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?
He would lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog!